I accidentally burped into my bong.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
