You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
