i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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