It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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