Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
