So drunk its hurt
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
