I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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