I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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