the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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