Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
