how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
