she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
