we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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