i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
