you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
