Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
