moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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