All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
