There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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