I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
