gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
