What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize