walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
