She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
