Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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