When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
