you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
