shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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