Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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