Too much gin, very little bucket
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
