my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
