Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
