I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize