You just made me feel so damn special
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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