So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
