We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
