You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
