Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
