I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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