You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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