I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
