there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
