thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
