Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
