I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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