somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
