It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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