What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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