worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
