Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
