Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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