I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
