Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize