I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
