Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
