I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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