Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
