i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
