I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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