The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
