gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize