no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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