Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
