what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
