The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
