I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
