I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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