Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
