he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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