last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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